May, 2006

Greetings,

Welcome to your fr*ee monthly e-newsletter about living the solution... not the problem!

Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan

Sent to subscribers in Canada, U.S., U.K., the Middle East and Asia. Many thanks to everyone who forwards the newsletter on. We grow through your recommendations so please keep up the good work and forward this newsletter to a few friends and colleagues.

In This Issue: Go anywhere in this issue fast by clicking on a topic.

• Personal reflections
• What are we thinking about? Showing up in the world like the Princess
• Building Solutions
• Contact/unsubscribe info

Personal Reflections

I was on a coaching call with a client the other day and 2-year old Princess Meghan was entertaining in the background. I swore I heard my client quietly say, “do you want to take your princess crown off?”

Hold on a minute, someone has a tiara? Sure enough, a tiara that clearly states (in pink no less) “Princess in training”. Now there’s a clear message. If that’s not enough, further in-depth coaching questions uncovered that this princess knows how to impress!

Each day (over boring old civilian clothes that Mom insists on) she dons her “princess dress”. According to description this is a delicious mix of gold sparkles and fluff. Then, she simply adds her tiara and she is ready to take on the world. That’s right. This cool Mom lets Princess Meghan travel the world in her truly appropriate attire.

Princess Meghan knows who she is and isn’t afraid to let others know too. Last I heard she was holding an audience at big sister’s Kindergarten class. Ok, her approval ratings rose when she rolled around on the ground with the princess dress over her head. I applaud her originality. She was last seen blowing “queen” kisses(Princess M has a career trajectory) goodbye when Mom decided it was time for the Princess-in-training to take her leave.

There is another thing about the 2-year old princess that has definitely made her my role model. She let’s people know how she wants to be treated. No, Princess M didn’t need Dr. Phil to tell her that “we teach people how to treat us” she just minds her manners…and yours! If Princess says “thank you” she expects to be acknowledged with “you’re welcome” and if you don’t…well let’s just say Princess M is a grand two! There is nothing I love more than a woman who knows who she is and is not afraid to demand respect!

Now, we don’t recommend the rolling on the ground with your princess dress over your head at the next Board meeting – but it does give you pause doesn’t it? How many ideas could I have gotten on past agendas, how many grad tutorials would my ideas have not been passed off to the next male, hmm…

I passed this story of personal power on to Dr. B. who exclaimed with delight and approval. Then we had this great shared flash of brilliance…what if, just what if, we could all dress for how we wanted people to treat us? Oh, come on, where’s your sense of adventure…just for a day!

What are we thinking about?

That there are “big people” lessons to be learned from a 2-year old Princess. The first one is that you can’t be acknowledged by others unless you are willing to show up in the world as yourself, tiara or no tiara. Have you asked yourself lately, in that case, have you ever asked yourself…

How do you want to show up in the world? Are you? If you always listen to other people tellng you who you are, you will eventually not be you.

Others will try to diminish you, to get you to be less than you were meant to be. Who knows why. Even people you love, and who love you, may try to clip your wings so you can’t soar quite so high because they are fearful of losing you, sometimes envy or jealousy enters the scene, some are just not capable of dreaming big so can’t understand why or how you can. Then there are all the cultural messages that keep us “in our place” and these change for each generation. Today’s generation of young women are being shown “their place” by the “stupid girl” phenomenon in the media. This is frightening to any of us who were involved in the generation who fought for women’s rights to be…well just to be.

Even if there are times you don’t feel like you know who you are or how to show up, you do. We all know just how “off-putting” it can feel to have someone else define who you are. It’s time to stop that now. Only you know who you were born to be.

Next lesson: It doesn’t take stamping your feet to demand respect, although there are moments when it is tempting. I’m taking a page from a pint-size princess who let’s her people know what is expected of them. She expects to be acknowledged, answered, and shown a little respect. She expects to get the same as she gives. If she uses her manners, why shouldn’t others? How many of us big people can honestly say we move through each day expecting as much?

Now the biggest lesson I believe we can all learn from 2-year old divas is not to be afraid of saying “No” and meaning it. If you don’t respect your time, your space, and your energy, I ask you…who’s going to? Of course, we could all gain a little traction in the “no” department if we could just whip out that tiara, stand our ground, stamp a glass slipper or two and yell at the top of our lungs “NO”. Ok, it’s a fantasy, but you got to admit it’s tempting.

If you are not playing the biggest game you are capable of, what are you truly getting out of life?

There are lots of cliches for this idea: show up in life, play full out, play your biggest game, and essentially they share one message - know who you are, know what you want, trust your gut, don that tiara and go for it.

It’s way better to have someone question your reign than to never reign in your own life at all. Ok all of you, it’s bedtime! But first get to work on building solutions…

Building solutions:

• If you had a costume for life, what would it be. Come on, humour us, seriously consider this. What WOULD you show up in?

• Decide 3 things, just 3, that really characterize who you are. How can you show up in the world being these each and every day?

• Learn to say no so that you can say a resounding YES to yourself. If saying NO doesn’t come easily, watch for our new offering soon…A Quick Guide to Saying NO.  

• Ask the question: Do you passionately believe in how you are living your life? Answer ambivalent? What do you need to do to clarify it?

• Drop anyone who is pushing their agenda – let them get their own costume!

• Find someone who truly only has YOUR agenda on the top of the list. Certainly a coach comes to mind.

• Remember, you are the only one who can be you – and you are the only one who can stop you from being.

We thank you for being out there. We thank you for reading what we put forward in the world. There is lots of new stuff to come this year and we invite you to join us on this journey toward equilibrium and prosperity. If you would like to share any thoughts with us, we’d love to hear from you.

Till next month… Embrace Life

Toby and Bev

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