March, 2008: OMG I’m Stuck With My Stress Personality!

Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan
                                      Silverton McLagan Coaching

What are we thinking about?   

Well after the last newsletter on finding your stress personality, we received emails from clients and readers who had identified their stress personality types but were worried that they were stuck with their overworked stress personality forever!  So, listen up one more time, we are rarely, if ever, stuck with our behaviour(s). If you learned a behaviour you can unlearn it.

We have all developed certain comfortable and familiar ways of reacting to stressful situations and managing stress.  We use our coping strategies over and over again because they are tried and true regardless of whether they work for us or not. Take the exec I once worked around (luckily not for) who threw chairs through glass walls, stomped around his office, or slammed doors and drawers in response to stressful situations. It seemingly made him feel better, since he would then settle down with a cup of coffee while the rest of us shook. It must have worked for him because he just kept doing it.  Definitely an out of control “short fuse” stress style! 

The point is, if you tend to be a “control nut” you will probably lean in this direction routinely, but it doesn’t mean you can’t change your response, moderate your behaviour, and find new stress management strategies that work with your stress personality instead of against it. Coping styles and strategies are not inherently positive or negative, it’s all about how, where, and when you use them.

So here are some pointers: first off, figure out if you lean toward an over-control or under-control, passive or active, stress management style. Then evaluate the kinds of situations that “activate” your dominant stress style. You can do that by keeping a Personal Stress Log. That can be as easy as a small notebook tucked in your pocket or bag, a desk drawer, or in your car (please, do not write in it while driving, this simply causes stress for other drivers when they notice you don’t have your hands on the wheel!).

In your Personal Stress Log make a note of the incident or situation that has got you feeling pressured, upset, angry or frustrated. Use the “who, what, where, when and  why” formula. Rate the stress event as “minor or major” so that you can see which type dominate your stress response. Definitely make a few notes about your response and how it left you feeling.

Keep your Log for a week or two to give you a pretty good idea of the type of situations that activate your stress response AND what stress personality you favour. Then ask yourself how you could have handled each situation differently, how you could have modified your stress personality with some small change.  Sometimes it’s as easy as biting your tongue and walking away! Ok, admittedly that’s not always easy for those of us who like to tackle stress head on, but I’m the first to admit that sometimes it’s healthier!  Believe it or not, most effective methods of coping with stress focus on taking care of yourself and moving away from the stressful event. That’s right avoidance and/or diversion is healthy! Who would have thought?  Here are a few more tips for effective coping:

Building balanced solutions

1. Ask yourself how much control you really have over a situation. Take this into consideration before you choose a stress response.
   
   
2. Build resilience and resistence to stress with a healthy life style, including regular exercise and meditation or relaxation of some type.
   
   
3. Talk over the problem event or situation with a good friend, colleague, partner or coach.
   
   
4. If your stress is related to a particular task or activity, change what you are doing. Find an engrossing non-stressful task to divert your attention and energy away from the stressful situation.
   

You know, someone wise once said to me, “You don’t have to run through every brick wall you come across, sometimes it works just as well to go around it! “ At the time this was an entirely novel concept to me. So next time you are faced with a stressful situation, look for the “Detour This Way” sign and take it’s advice.

Keep up to date with the Bigger than Balance blog. Find lots of inspiration and how to’s and take your life from burnout to balance to bliss!


Till next month…go for bliss!

© 2003-2007 Silverton McLagan Coaching. All Rights Reserved

Resources – quick links to check out resources 

(Clicking on the blue underlined words allows you to instantly purchase all books online, without leaving your chair!)

• Happiness Now!  by Robert Holden. 
  Purchase from Amazon | Canada | United States | United Kingdom

• Learn to Say No, Fast! (2006) Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving, this one will last you a lifetime.
  http://www.livethesolution.com/products.html

• The Burnout Trap: Bounce Back from Over-Busy, Over-Tired and Overwhelmed!
  (2005) Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. http://www.theburnouttrap.com/

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