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June, 2005 Greetings, Welcome to your fr*ee monthly e-newsletter about living the solution...not the problem! Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan Sent to subscribers in Canada, U.S., U.K., the Middle East and Asia. Many thanks to everyone who forwards the newsletter on. We grow through your recommendations so please keep up the good work and forward this newsletter to a few friends and colleagues. In This Issue:
Introducing a new web site with the potential to change your life! Why live with problems when you can live the solution? Silverton McLagan Coaching is pleased to announce their new website that has the potential to change your life for the better! At www.livethesolution.com you will be introduced to programmes and resources that have been proven to reduce stress, increase energy levels & productivity, heighten your focus and create more time to do what you love in both life and work! Just the other day I suggested to Bev that it was time to "run away and join the circus", granted this was after a month of dealing with "techie" stuff, which can make anyone contemplate taking up the trapeze! Upon reflection, what I was really saying was "I need to do something different! Now!" You could say I was suffering from temporary role disillusionment, or perhaps it was dizziness caused by the enormous roller coaster of a learning curve I was on! There is a serious side to what I have come to know and call role disillusionment and role fatigue. I'll be candid, I am the sole "responsible daughter" for an elderly parent (and dare I say an extremely difficult one) and coupled with career responsibilities and life happenings, it can sometimes/often feel overwhelming. I'm sure many of you out there relate. There have been moments, many moments, but there was a point a few years ago when I truly believed that "I couldn't do it anymore"...I just didn't want to be a daughter anymore. I wince when I write that 'cause somewhere out there I believe someone is saying, "that's terrible". But, it was true, there it was - complete role fatigue. I now see role fatigue as a precursor to total burnout...and I was almost there. Luckily enough, I had someone looking over my shoulder to point out my predicament so that I could make some changes, both subtle and drastic ones. I hear from clients in similar situations. Whether it be your role as caretaker, parent, employer, emloyee or whatever - role fatigue knows no boundaries, until we set the limits. ... when you just get tired of a role in your life or the demands of a role wear you out to the point that you suddenly feel you cannot fulfill it or simply don't want to any more... It's important to accept that in some situations role fatigue is inevitable, like any repetitive injury - doing anything over and over again without time and space to recharge your battery will eventually cause you to feel the strain. We think this is important to talk about because catching on early to your role fatigue may prevent further burnout. My hunch is that the more tendency toward perfectionism you have the more at risk you are for role fatigue. One of the problems is, if you are a high achiever, if you are a perfectionist, if you successfully juggle multiple roles all the time with apparently few glitches, it may be hard to admit to yourself and most certainly to others that something is "broke"! However, continuing to do the super-human role routine will speed up role disillusionment and role fatigue. When you are on that slope, it is a feeling akin to that famous "I Love Lucy" episode when she gets a job on the chocolate assembly line - if you were too young to see this television show, we strongly suggest renting it on DVD and curing your fatigue with a huge belly laugh! It can happen in any role - whether it is a loved role, a dutiful role, or a required role- when you hit total role fatigue you just can't do it anymore. It's not about motivation to continue a role, it's like that part of you walked off the job and can't be cajoled, coaxed, or threatened back. You may simply have to stop partaking in that role for a while until a time when you can resume this work or redesign or reassign it. It could just be one aspect of the total role that needs to go. If your role fatigue has gone too far, you may want to consider options for removing yourself from this role. Yes, this sounds drastic but so are the effects of total burnout. One strategy to establishing and maintaining a sense of "balance" in your life is: do not let one life role dominate. We usually don't think of balance in terms or roles but in terms of balancing tasks or jobs. So it is important to be familiar with all the multiple roles we fulfill in our lives. When we begin to feel role disillusionment a useful strategy is to highlight a different role in your life for a while. Sometimes that will be all you need, kind of like "playing hooky" from being a mom for example! However, this may only be a temporary fix. So keep exploring. What can you do if you are suffering role disillusionment or role fatigue? You will need to ask yourself, and answer truthfully, some important questions. So, take yourself out for coffee and do a role inventory. Develop a comprehensive list of your roles and a brief job description of each. I see a role as having a label, for example: professional, partner/spouse, parent, petparent, volunteer, chief cook and bottle washer...you get the idea. You may even have catchy names for your roles, for example: dutiful daughter, the boss, the perfect mother...Then, ask yourself the following questions about each role:
Here are a few suggestions for steps toward a solution: (If you have others please send them to us so that we can share them with others.)
And, the payoff to making a few simple changes is more energy to be the best you can be in all your chosen life roles. If a role is toxic: Please note... The above is not to say that if we take a break we can just feel better about any role in our lives, or that we should just "suck it up" and get back to it. When a role is toxic that is a completely different situation. A toxic relationship cannot be fixed by taking a role break. True, all roles can use revisiting and revising from time to time, but please don't confuse role fatigue with a toxic role that needs to be eliminated for true healing to take place. If a relationship is bad - don't just now say "maybe it's role fatigue" taking a break from a bad or abusive relationship isn't going to change the core of the relationship. If you believe you are in a truly toxic role, get some outside help. It is really difficult to gain perspective when you are right in the middle of the storm. Warmly Toby & Bev You are free to use material from Live the Solution!® in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution including our website and email link. The copyright notice should read: "By Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. of Silverton McLagan Coaching. Contact: coach@livethesolution.com. To unsubscribe or change your email address, just go to www.livethesolution.com/lwiezine.html Did you enjoy receiving Live the Solution? If you did, please forward it to your friends and associates. We would like to hear from you, email us your comments and ideas. T: 604-241-0810(PT) or E: coach@livethesolution.com. Visit our website at www.livethesolution.com. |
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