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July, 2006: The connection obsession: Under-connected or over-connected, you be the judge. Greetings, Welcome to your fr*ee monthly e-newsletter about living the solution... not the problem! Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan Sent to subscribers in Canada, U.S., U.K., the Middle East and Asia. Many thanks to everyone who forwards the newsletter on. We grow through your recommendations so please keep up the good work and forward this newsletter to a few friends and colleagues. In This Issue: Go anywhere in this issue fast by clicking on a topic.
It used to be easy, you wanted to talk to somebody you picked up the phone and you either got through or it was busy, at which point you simply hung up and tried later, or not. The only glitch, and I give away my age with this one, was if the party-line was on. [That was Mrs. Coleman who lived just across the lane, she made the greatest fudge on Hallowe’en. Those were the days when Hallowe’en felt safe and we knew what neighbours had the best loot. The neighbours knew all of us, although I remember they pretended they didn’t recognize me under my plastic mask. It was a gypsy girl (excuse my political incorrectness) and it was my most favourite costume ever. However, it has now been deemed a fire hazard and possibly carcinogenic…I digress.] These days there are so many options for getting hold of people, maybe too many options. Choose your weapons: email, internet, blackberry, palm pilot, cell phones, voip, text messaging, instant messaging, ipod, podcasts and blogs. So why then do I often feel like I’m putting messages out there into the universe by carrier pigeon, never quite sure if they land? And, when did a smiley face made out of dashes and dots take the place of a big bear hug? So we’ve been thinking about the upside and the downside of the current connection obsession. Maybe it depends on what generation you belong to, but it seems to me that to “legitimately” function in today’s world we need to be over-connected. The irony is, the more and more ways we all have to stay in touch, the less and less time we have to connect and the fewer and fewer people we have in our lives to stay in touch with. We hear it from our clients. There is only so much energy and time to go around. The age of instant connection, working long hours, squeezing education in, family responsibilities be it children, partner, aging parents (or any combo), has strained and squeezed our ability to stay in touch. Did you know that connection with others inceases longevity? Having a social network protects and enhances, not only our mental health and emotional health, but our physical health as well. Dr. Michael F. Roizen author of The RealAge Makeover: Maximum Health, Maximum Work stresses the absolute necessity of social connections. Something as simple as phoning a friend or meeting up with someone, a quick hug, a light touch, sharing a smile or a laugh is a sure way to increase not only the quality but the quantity of our years. I have been reading Robin Sharma’s new book The Greatness Guide (an inspiring read) and he describes a new phenomenon called “cuddle parties”. Yes, unfortunately you read that right. Strangers show up at a designated place, found via the internet, to introduce themselves and spend time cuddling – nothing more sinister than that. How sad is that? People are more and more electronically connected only to end up emotionally disconnected and starved for human touch. So we find ourselves under-connected personally while over-connected electronically. That’s the other side of this issue – being over-connected to the point of feeling technically frazzled. Having an office in my home means a constant game of find what’s ringing: home line, business line, fax line, enterphone, cell phone – is it a client or is it dinner arriving? This is an important distinction! Ok, and this is the final straw, hearing that auto makers in the next few years plan to put televisions in cars (no, not just the monitors the kids watch videos on, but actual television) and, get this, the ability to trade stocks. I’m still having problems with those who talk on the phone, drink coffee, apply mascara or shave depending on gender, and as an after thought actually drive, but trading stock online while tailgating? I ask you, what happens if their stock has tanked? In this day of road rage it’s not pretty. Under-connected or over-connected, which is it in your life? It’s tough, it’s that balance thing again. We want to make technology work for us, it can be life enhancing, we need to make technology work for us, it’s business enhancing, but we don’t want to be owned by it. Remember the old commercial that said, “reach out and touch someone” they didn’t mean text message.
I just called to say “hello”. Once a day call someone instead of emailing. Voice mail? Don’t retreat, just let them know you are thinking of them. A welcomed message in anyone’s day. Coffee to go? Sit down and take 10 minutes to share some space with other people;slow down and people watch. Connection comes in many forms. Build your “coffee shop acquaintances” (or drycleaner or any other community connection). I’ve watched 2 kids grow up from shy awkward tweenies to confident young adults at the local coffee shop, even got to see the family grad pictures. This layer of connection adds texture to life. It’s almost as good as being there. Instant messaging can beat some of the loneliness during business trips or in long-distance relationships. Add a web-cam or video-cam and you’re half-way home. Over-connected? Bought time = peace of mind. We’ve all received messages from auto-responders, you know, you email and get: “so and so is away from the office, they are taking a mental health day ‘cause they can’t stand all the emails, voicemails, etc” . [Wouldn’t you love to say that?] Well what about using one if you need a personal time-out? Recently my email to a client was nicely met with, “thanks for emailing, I won’t be able to get to my emails until Thursday”. Felt polite, I felt acknowledged…worked for me. Downtime = productive time:. These days it’s really important to know when to disconnect. Take a risk and leave the cell phone or blackberry or palm pilot at home occasionally. You may go through withdrawal at first, but with practice, ahhh, quiet. Don’t fall into the email abyss. Haven’t you noticed If you start out your workday by checking and replying to emails it can be hours before you come up for air! Turn it around, start your day with an hour on a substantial project, then turn your attention to emails. You will be won over by your feeling of accomplishment.
There is lots of new stuff to come this year and we invite you to join us on this journey toward equilibrium and prosperity. If you would like to share any thoughts with us, we’d love to hear from you. Till next month… Embrace Life
You are free to use material from Live the Solution!® in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution including our website and email link. The copyright notice should read: "By Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. of Silverton McLagan Coaching. Contact: coach@livethesolution.com. To unsubscribe or change your email address, just go to www.livethesolution.com/lwiezine.html Did you enjoy receiving Live the Solution? If you did, please forward it to your friends and associates. We would like to hear from you, email us your comments and ideas. T: 604-241-0810(PT) or E: coach@livethesolution.com. Visit our website at www.livethesolution.com. |
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