February,
2008:
Are you the Toxic Keener,
Gold Star Junkie, Creative Fizzler, or…
Written and published
by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan
Silverton McLagan Coaching
 What are we thinking
about?
Stress,
personality…stress personality! Did you know your stress has
personality? Now don’t go getting all
“bad” or
“good” on us. It’s ok to have stress with
a
personality to it! In fact, we all probably have two or three stress
personalities depending on circumstances and situations. Knowing your stress personality
helps you decide what changes you want/need to make to upgrade your
stress management system.
By now
you know us, so you know our focus is always from the inside out.
Whether we are talking about inner
balance, happiness, burnout or stress,
we believe it is vitally important to know yourself, that way you can
tailor-make a solution that fits your situation and who you are. After
all, what’s the point of learning and practicing various
stress
management skills if they aren’t suited to your unique
response
to stress?
So
coming up is
your glossary of “stress personalities”. Be brave,
you may
cringe, but likely you will recognize yourself in a few places! Here
are a couple of tips: try to figure out if you have a stress
personality for work and one for your personal life, or one when
dealing with adults in your world and maybe a totally different one
dealing with the kids!
Unfortunately,
it
just seems that stress these days is inevitable. Ok, some days more
than others! If you know how you are likely to respond, it’s
much
easier to take a step back, do the count to 10 thing, and then
deal. Remember, you likely “inherited”
your stress
management style from your family, sad but true, unless, of course, you
have the Waltons as your family! Here’s the good deal: what you know you can change.
So, face yourself squarely, the truth will set you free!
Building balanced
solutions
If control is your thing you
might just own an overcontrolled stress personality:
The
Toxic Keener:
“I’ll do it” is your war-cry because only
you can do
it right. If this is you, you are probably lousy at sharing. This means
that no one else gets the opportunity to try their skills or further
their knowledge. And where does this leave you? Constantly
overloaded, alone, and doing it all yourself while feeling resentful
and being resented.
Gold
Star Junkie:
If life was a reality show you would be in your element. You need to
win, to be the best, and to come out on top. You see every task as an
opportunity to compete or to one-up someone else. It has been said that
life is lonely at the top…well it is if you get there by
always
“scoring” off of someone else. Not only that, the
buzz of
winning is short lived before you need to look for your next gold star
to reassure yourself you really are the best.
The
Buttinsky:
Your mission in life is to help people, but there is one
“small” problem, you often
“rescue” people
whether they need it or not. You tend to jump in to help or take over
but forget to ask the other person if they actually need or want your
help. Surprise, surprise, you end up confused and hurt when your
“help” is not appreciated or rebuffed.
The
Short Fuse: You
can describe this person with one word…impatient. Everything
is
a source of frustration, life was designed to frustrate them. The
person with a short-fuse has a really hard time enjoying anything,
‘cause let’s face it, life is always going have
those
unexpected glitches. When you can’t roll with any
of them,
burnout is definitely on the way.
Angry
Demander: These
folk missed the childhood lesson on “asking
nicely”.
Everything is phrased as a demand. Not only does this way of coping
stress you out, it causes stress for others. Problem is,
you’re
not very effective in getting the help you want or need because of the
“demanding nature” of your style.
The
Peace-Nik:
Peace at any price is your life motto. Well, the price of avoiding
conflict at all costs can be extremely high! This
“yes-person” will say or do almost anything to
avoid a
clash. Frustration is the likely outcome and you
probably
end up doing lots of things you don’t want to do. Perhaps a
bigger price you pay is that people don’t ever get to know
what
you really think or want.
More
laissez-faire? Then an undercontrolled stress personality just might
fit:
The
Pity Partier:
So you have no power over life events, nobody ever supports you, and
none of your actions make any difference at all. Really,
what’s
the point of trying when you know you are going to end up failing or
someone or something is going to thwart you? If you are enjoying the
pity party you are the only one! Other people tend to feel your anger
and move away…well at least that proves your point, no one
is
there for you.
The
Hand Wringer:
Fear dominates your thought process; fear of the past, future, and/or
the present. Add in fear of failure and fear of succeeding and that
doesn’t leave much room to move. Outcome? Feeling paralyzed,
anxious and stuck. Unfortunately, your fear stops you from challenging
the evidence. Time to get brave and put life to the test. Only then can
you tell the difference between shadows and the real boogie-men.
The
Ostrich:
Sometimes putting off a task or avoiding one for a while gives us room
to breathe in our life, and that’s not always a bad thing.
However, the Ostrich doesn’t practice a good kind of
avoidance.
This avoider turns away from responsibility and avoids engaging in
tasks or problems. News flash! Avoiders usually end up with a
disaster on their hands, beating themselves up saying, “why
didn’t I just deal with this at the
beginning…”
The
Creative Fizzler:
Like a firecracker that has great potential but fizzles instead of
pops. This stress style is characterized by someone who is all dreams
and no action. The creative thinking process can lead to great things,
but with this problem coping style, it doesn’t. The lack of
action eventually catches up and you find yourself facing a future of
“if only”. If you feel jazzed by your ideas, think
of how
you would feel seeing them become reality.
To help keep you de-stressed, tune in to the Bigger than Balance blog,
and of course Live the
Solution, to find lots of how to’s and
information to take your life experience from burnout to balance to
bliss!
Till
next month…go for bliss!
©
2003-2007 Silverton McLagan Coaching. All Rights Reserved
Resources –
quick links to check out resources
 (Clicking on
the blue underlined words allows
you to instantly purchase all books online, without leaving your
chair!)
-
Happiness Now!
by Robert Holden.
Purchase from Amazon | Canada | United
States | United
Kingdom
-
Learn to Say No, Fast!
(2006) Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. Talk about the gift
that keeps on giving, this one will last you a lifetime.
http://www.livethesolution.com/Resources.html
-
The Burnout Trap:
Bounce
Back from Over-Busy, Over-Tired and Overwhelmed!
(2005) Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. http://www.livethesolution.com/Resources.html
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