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February, 2006 Greetings, Welcome to your fr*ee monthly e-newsletter about living the solution...not the problem! Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan Sent to subscribers in Canada, U.S., U.K., the Middle East and Asia. Many thanks to everyone who forwards the newsletter on. We grow through your recommendations so please keep up the good work and forward this newsletter to a few friends and colleagues.
In This Issue: Go anywhere in this issue fast by clicking on a topic.
OK, girls and boys, can we spell b-a-l-a-n-c-e? Sure, we may be able to spell it thanks to Mr. Rogers, but can we live it? The last few weeks facing a major life transition have proven it to me. Balance (with a big B) the kind the media gurus want us to buy is an urban myth! According to the coaching wheel of life I’m paying attention. I go through the checklist: I make the “To Do” lists and [miraculously] everything seems to get crossed off the list. I keep firm boundaries around my time, no 12+hour work days right now. Self-care rules…right? So [I ask myself] why does life right now feel anything BUT balanced? What strikes me as so odd about this whole experience is that essentially my life as I knew it is gone. The day to day elements of my life haven’t really changed all that much. Sure, I’ve had to add another role to my repertoire as I negotiate my way through the legal world of Estates, but that’s just a new skill set to learn and patience to build (believe me, lots and lots of patience!). But the old equilibrium of my life, the rhythm of my life as I knew it, feels gone, in its place is something totally new, not bad, not good yet, just new, and it feels like I’ve temporarily misplaced my good old comfortable equilibrium. Balance, that very over-used word, really creates a false impression of having control over all elements in life (time for a big laugh here). Then life deals you one of those whacks up the side of the head. I’m looking for my equilibrium, not balance, a new equilibrium and one that is not based on a model of perfection cause goodness know, life ain’t perfect! So, what about you, are you ready to look at the concept of balance or equilibrium in a whole new way? Balance isn’t static. Balance is, well, like an amoeba – changing shapes, thinning out, or bulging at one end. So what gives us the ability to experience balance? Our flexibility and resilience to transcend the changing shapes – and we are going to call it “livingbalance”. If I am looking for Balance (with a capital B) I’m looking to create a static state. I have to attain it, manicure it, work at keeping it, and make sure it remains in this pristene state. On the other hand, when I have livingbalance it flows, it’s fluid and it’s a part of me rather than an external target. Livingbalance is like a pulse, we really aren’t aware of it until it’s off-beat: too slow, too speedy or really off rhythm. Livingbalance is both an energy source and an energy flow that shifts and changes with the daily, weekly, monthly and yearly tides of life. Most of the time the word “Balance” is used in conjunction with juggling personal and professional life, but balance, is simply not that one dimensional. Regardless of gender, these days most of us live attempting to balance multiple activities and roles: career, family, elder parent-care, pets, recreation, relaxation, school and volunteer activities. But “Big B Balance”, like time management can feel elusive. There is nothing concrete about it that you can grab onto and wrestle to the ground once and for all. Time to forget the “perfect pie of life divided into equal sections” model. How many times in the last year have you been able to divide your time and energy equally between all life areas? So it begs the question…How can each of us create livingbalance each and every day of our lives? A sense of equilibrium that we can truly live successfully with.
1) First step is to remember that Big B Balance does not exist somewhere out there. Big B Balance leads to Big B Blues! As soon as you think you’ve achieved it, it shifts and you end up feeling like you’ve failed again. 2) Second thing to remember is that the tools you need to achieve livingbalance you already have. If some of them are rusty you can upgrade them. Tools that give us flexibility and resilience like energy management, decision making, or the ability to say “No”. 3) Instead of trying to “balance” 11 or 12 life areas each day or even each week, think instead of four livingbalance aspects of yourself and your energy: the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. This is one dimension of livingbalance. 4) Another really important dimension of livingbalance is to achieve equilibrium between the energy you spend on yourself and the energy you spend on others. Forget about expecting a 50/50 split, remember livingbalance is fluid so depending on the current demands on your energy and time the equilibrium will shift. 5) Then we have to tackle all the roles in our lives. Bet you can name at least 5 right off the top of your head. AND, we are supposed to find equal balance between all of these? Time to give up being all things to all people all of the time. It just ain’t going to happen, at least not with any enjoyment. Make peace with the fact that at some points in life some life roles are going to be shortchanged or neglected. Then remember, the energy will shift again. 6) Finally, a common dilemma is our need to balance two important aspects of our growth – the spiritual and the pragmatic or practical. As human beings we seek to expand our awareness and to reach for connection with our faith, our universe, our higher self (whatever terms you use in your world) and to feel unity, and to achieve a sense of direction, meaning and purpose in both our personal and professional lives. At the same time we need to feel grounded and able to express our real self in the ordinary day-to-day of our lives in a meaningful way. Tall order? Maybe, but the answer again lies in maintaining a sense of equilibrium about it all. Small steps lead to great benefits. Before you go, don’t forget to click onto your Free Companion Tool for this issue called “Energy Equilibrium” so that you can begin to explore a new way to find livingbalance.
We thank you for being out there. We thank you for reading what we put forward in the world. There is lots of new stuff to come this year and we invite you to join us on this journey toward equilibrium and prosperity. If you would like to share any thoughts with us, we’d love to hear from you. Till next month…Embrace Life Toby and Bev
You are free to use material from Live the Solution!® in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution including our website and email link. The copyright notice should read: "By Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. of Silverton McLagan Coaching. Contact: coach@livethesolution.com. To unsubscribe or change your email address, just go to www.livethesolution.com/lwiezine.html Did you enjoy receiving Live the Solution? If you did, please forward it to your friends and associates. We would like to hear from you, email us your comments and ideas. T: 604-241-0810(PT) or E: coach@livethesolution.com. Visit our website at www.livethesolution.com. |
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Self-care (eat well; sleep well-strategy is to get to bed earlier; exercise – walking is my thing, monsoons permitting (!)
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