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October, 2006: Is it time to reclaim your inner 2-year old? Greetings, Welcome to your fr*ee monthly e-newsletter about living the solution... not the problem! Written and published by: Dr. Toby Silverton & Dr. Bev McLagan Sent to subscribers in Canada, U.S., U.K., the Middle East and Asia. Many thanks to everyone who forwards the newsletter on. We grow through your recommendations so please keep up the good work and forward this newsletter to a few friends and colleagues. In This Issue: Go anywhere in this issue fast by clicking on a topic.
Long live the King! The response we got to our last e-newsletter sharing the Wisdom of Roland was overwhelming. So many of you passed this on to your own friends. Can’t tell you enough how heartwarming it was to see those responses coming in. During our own personal time of sadness we could rest assured…his magic continues! Have you ever had one of those times (well we know you probably have) when it feels like your “To Do” list tripled overnight on you, without your help? We are definitely experiencing one of those phases coming off of a year of continuous interruptions, most from outside sources. So as soon as the clear space emerged, that To Do list just took on a life of its own! Ok, ok, we take ownership of it. We had put ourselves into “catch-up mode” and when you do that, everything takes on a pressure of its own. Bad move. Our own coach, bless his heart, pointed out that you never catch-up from the place you left off, in fact, you lose ground. So it was time for patience, reflection, and crossing those things off the list that really didn’t deserve a second look. Don’t you just love it when you come back to “the List” and things have taken care of themselves…YES! But there were plenty of other items that had to be dealt with or deleted. Funnily enough, one of the things that had been sidelined was finishing up our latest new e-book Learn to Say No, Fast! It was definitely time to learn our own lesson, saying No to other people, obligations, or to yourself if you are overloading your To Do list is one of the essential skills to maintaining balance in your life. So, read on for more ideas about saying No. This Live the Solution guide is simple and effective…and just in time for sending to your favourite “yes-sayer” for Christmas! In fact, send it early and they will be eternally grateful for their stress free holiday! One thing we gladly said Yes to! We are really proud that our e-book “The Burnout Trap: Bounce Back from Over-busy, Over-tired, and Overwhelmed” is going to be part of the required reading for a college program for child and youth care workers. If you haven’t checked this book, or the free 6-day e-course, out already go to www.theburnouttrap.com. These days, chronic stress seems to be part of everyday living, but it doesn’t have to be. Did you know that chronic stress eventually leads to burnout? There are definitely steps you can take today to stop from hitting the wall! The Burnout Trap is full of info and fool-proof ways to get control of your stress level before you hit The Burnout Trap. Seems like we can hardly go a day without hearing from a client that they want more balance in their lives, more life in their lives, more time to themselves. We crave space and time to enjoy ourselves be it at work or at play, but getting it these days is a rarity. The squeeze is on,but what can you do about it? There is one simple skill available to anyone and everyone who wants more balance in their lives – learning to say No: No to unreasonable requests, no to demands, no to stretching yourself too thin, no to one too many projects, no to friends, family, colleagues, and bosses. Saying No is a life skill, and more. Life requires us to say No, it’s just part of living, so we might as well get comfortable doing it. The thing is, we all know how to say no – ask any mom, we learned it loudly when we were 2! The problem is we: (a) are fearful of saying No, (b) have been trained out of saying No, (c) simply don’t think about it as an option, (d) worry more about other people than ourselves, or (e) all of the above. Sorry to say, but in this day and age it still often boils down to the “pinks and blues”. It’s just a fact, boys are encouraged and allowed to say No more than girls are. Girls on the other hand are often taught to need everyone to like them and saying No just isn’t part of that! Heads up, however, that doesn’t mean that all men are off the hook in needing to practice this skill. Just because you can say No at work doesn’t mean you do as well with parents or kids! We hear from far too many of our male clients that work has encroached to a serious degree on their family lives or recreational time. No, saying No is a life skill we can all brush up on. Here’s just one example of how saying No can differ between the sexes: Two clients, colleagues in the same firm, one male/one female, throw in an unreasonable request by the boss to each, a request that you could say actually went against their integrity and values, what were their responses and outcome? Well the male employee reported to me that the first word out of his mouth was “No, not possible for him to participate”. On the other hand, the female employee never really said “yes” or “no”, so inevitably a “yes” was assumed. Needless to say she landed in a regrettable and stressful situation causing much worry, where the male employee had already put it to rest by the time we spoke. Our male client makes it through feeling ok about himself, in control of his work situation but our female client ends up feeling resentful, vulnerable and in a one-down position. Variations on this situation/lesson play themselves out everyday at work, in families, in our relationships, and they go way beyond the specific situation. Remember one thing clearly, everytime we say Yes when we want to say No, we give ourselves (and others) a clear message of who we are and our rules of engagement in life. So is it time for you to reclaim your inner two-year old? Doing so could actually increase the balance so many of you are looking to experience. Here are just a few of the topics covered in Learn to Say No, Fast!
Identify your needed No’s: Check your schedule for the week ahead – identify one or two things you would like or need to say No to, then do it, say No. Do this each week for 3 weeks, then do it every day for 3 weeks. Cost out the price of your Yes: Ask yourself: What is the price you personally pay for saying Yes when you want or need to say No? Write down your answer. Now ask yourself this question 3-5 times more and write down your answers. Is it worth the cost? Practice, practice, practice: Remember, saying No is simply a communication skill. Practice your polite No with telemarketers, or try on 10 pairs of shoes or 10 ties and say “No thanks”. Stall tactic: You don’t always have to say No on the spot. Perhaps the most useful No to own is the “Can I get back to you? No”. It’s legit and it buys you time to consider the personal price of saying Yes. Grammar lesson: No is a complete sentence – it has a capital letter at the beginning and a period at the end. It is short and sweet, but more importantly, it’s effective. There are many other formulas for saying No in our new eGuide: Learn to Say No, Fast!
Here’s another great book that we find ourselves recommending to clients alot. Be it at work or at home, with statistics the way they are all of us are bound to come into contact with one of these toxic individuals sooner or later. This book offers understanding and a way to prepare. We highly recommend this read: The Sociopath Next Door. The Ruthless versus the Rest of Us. By Martha Stout, PhD. Purchase from Amazon | Canada | United States | United Kingdom We thank you for being out there. We thank you for reading what we put out into the world. There is lots of new stuff to come this year and we invite you to join us on this journey toward equilibrium and prosperity. If you would like to share any thoughts with us, we’d love to hear from you. Till next month… Embrace Life
You are free to use material from Live the Solution!® in whole or in part, as long as you include complete attribution including our website and email link. The copyright notice should read: "By Toby Silverton, PhD. and Bev McLagan, PhD. of Silverton McLagan Coaching. Contact: coach@livethesolution.com. To unsubscribe or change your email address, just go to www.livethesolution.com/lwiezine.html Did you enjoy receiving Live the Solution? If you did, please forward it to your friends and associates. We would like to hear from you, email us your comments and ideas. T: 604-241-0810(PT) or E: coach@livethesolution.com. Visit our website at www.livethesolution.com. |
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